Relationship advice: 8 Tips on how to handle being around your ex
In some ways, it would be easier, if we could draw a line under a relationship when it’s over, move on and never meet the ex-partner ever again. At least, then we could have final closure on the affair. But, invariably, this is not possible because your ex is probably a member of your close group of friends, or you still have not finished the business of separating your financial affairs or, perhaps, you have kids together. As much as, you might like to, you can’t just do a disappearing act, so here are eight tips to help you deal with those awkward moments, when you have to be around your ex:
1. Give yourself a little space at first
Jumping straight from lovers to best friends really is not a great idea. You will both probably need a little time for healing, so pull back a little for now, and give it some time, until the wounds are not so raw and then, it will be easier to talk without bringing up all the old accusations and recriminations.
2. Let it go
It may be that you still harbour a secret yearning to get back together and this will certainly make things difficult for you. If you want to stay friends, then you have to let go of the past and accept the situation as it is. Just keep things on a friendly level and keep a sensible distance or you may just be prolonging the heartbreak.
3. Don’t try and get even
Flaunting your new partner in front of your ex or bad mouthing your ex to anyone who will listen might make you feel better in the short term, but it will achieve nothing constructive. It’s far better to bite your tongue and get on with life, and if you keep things with ex on an even keel, they could even become a reliable friend in the future.
4. Never use the children as a weapon
If there are children involved, you should be thinking how the separation is affecting them, rather than use your children as a weapon in disputes with your ex. Children are resilient and they can now accept separation quite easily as, regrettably, it is such a common thing. But, remember, even though you and your ex have parted ways, you’re still mum and dad to your children and they will remember the fights for a long time to come. Protect your kids’ hearts by showing each other respect in front of your children.
5. Keep your cool
Getting angry with each other will solve nothing, especially in discussions over money. If you were married or shared a home, then there will be things that need sorting out, but try not to let any bitterness cloud your judgement. Fighting over who gets what from a shared home can descend into the farcical, if you’re not careful and you don’t keep your cool. It can be difficult, but compromise is the best option, unless you want to end up the proud owner of a sofa or bed sawn in two.
6. Don’t try and get one over on his new partner
If you do move in the same circle of friends as your ex, then it is inevitable that at some point in time you will meet his new partner. This can be a tricky moment for both you and your friends, so rise above the temptation for revenge or point scoring and take it calmly. Flirting with your ex in front of his new partner might seem a bit of fun, but it is you who will lose the game and appear to be childish and spiteful, so avoid.
7. Don’t ask mutual friends to take sides
If your friends mean anything to you at all, then don’t expect them to take sides. If your friends are also friends of your ex, you will be putting them in a really awkward position and what kind of friend would that make you?
8. Take the higher ground
Even when you try your best to keep things between you and your ex manageable and sensible, if they are not willing to let things drop, you just need to stand your ground and not descend to their level. It takes some longer to accept a separation than others, so let it be water off a ducks back for now, the dust will settle in time.
Getting along with your ex might not be easy, but if you look at it from a position of mutual respect, it might ease up the situation.
Do you have some other tips on how to handle being around ex partner? Share your relationship advice in the comment section.